Even if you took Martha Stewart, Julia Child, Two Fat Ladies, Regine, Suzanne Bartsch, Nigella Lawson, Diane Brill, Carmen D’Allessio, Pat Buckley, Amy Sacco, and Phyllis Diller and threw them all into a giant blender, you would still fall short of producing anyone as compelling and scrumptious as the late, uber-hostess Elsa Maxwell.
~Simon Doonan
My father is a dying breed, the last of the old time socialites. He can turn a dull event into a jovial affair through sharp wit and an inventive guest list. You will never find a more eclectic social roster than the ones he dreams up. At dad’s dinner parties, never am I surprised to find myself seated with the unknown locksmith to the left, and yes, on the same occasion, the city’s mayor to the right. Invariably, by the end of the night, all barriers will be down and new friends made.
Dad insists that he learned how to socialize from his mother, a grande dame of D.C. society in the years leading up to and after WWII. He often recounts fond memories of grandma doing her early morning “marketing” (which in her day consisted of telling the cook and the driver what she needed) before that evening’s soiree.
On a visit home to Gloucester, MA last March dad bestowed a copy of Elsa Maxwell’s (1883-1963) book How to Do It or the Lively Art of Entertaining. Maxwell and my father have a lot in common: both love a good laugh, spirited conversation, and wearing men’s trousers. The actual Ms. Maxwell, it seems, was nothing like the eminent society hostess I envisioned. She was quite a bit piggish, enjoyed costuming up as great historical male figures, and lacked the pedigree of many refined socialites. She was a self-made woman, hailing from none other than Keokuk, Iowa.
A renewed interest in Ms. Maxwell’s particular brand of entertainment will do culture a favor. As a newly married woman socializing in various contexts from Chelsea art galleries to Lower East Side scenester bars, I find that we have grown socially lazy. The “lively art of entertaining” in 2009 is, I must say, rather boring.
In the chapter “The Perfect Guest – and Others,” Maxwell expressed the issue:
Stock in trade of the agreeable personality – that is, the good guest – is his ability as a conversationalist, an art that is, I fear, slated for oblivion in this country unless something is done to revive in us the habit of original thinking, a taste for the cultivation of fresh ideas, as opposed to our current mania for blank-eyed hearing and viewing and the cultivation in consequence of no taste whatever. Radios and television screens that are never dark are making us mentally crusty.
Thank heavens she didn’t live to see the Crackberry. . .
It’s time to practice conversing, to craft meaningful moments that cultivate the integrity of our individual selves and enrich our culture.
So, put on a party infusing Maxwell’s Maxims into the mix!
Maxwell’s Big Six Alluring Personalities
- Beauty
- Glamour
- Intelligence
- Charm
- Wit
- Gaiety
Have you tried this formula for entertaining? Mixed up the guest list and were surprised by the results?
16 Responses to “Holidays are Coming! Maxwell’s Maxims for Entertaining”
You’re father sounds like a very charming man, Lydia. And I need to get my hands on a copy of Ms. Maxwell’s book. There is a lovely bookstore down the block from my house. I’m going to wrap the kids in their jackets and walk on over. See if I can find it. Love your writing style Lydia.
“… current mania for blank-eyed hearing.” I love it.
That book cover is brilliant. Dunking a… is that a donut? With her pinky in the air. It doesn’t get any better.
Your papa sounds wonderful and very charming! *wave to your papa in case his reading this* That book looks amazing…i would also love to have a copy of this! Thank you so much for sharing it with us! Have a lovely merry happy day and love to you!
Lydia, You are resurrecting a lost time when socializing involved rules of behavior. I recall your grandma, your Dad’s mother, instructing me, an ingenue to the sophisticated social scene. I found myself at a cocktail party with her. She introduced me to someone and left, only to reappear about 5 minutes into our conversation. I felt her tiny, but insistent hands on my waist, twisting me 90 degrees, a quarter turn, and whispering in my ear “time to move on now dear.” It seems that cocktail parties were by definition frothy affairs, not events for deep, substantial discussions. As such, you greeted…and moved on.
Maybe this is a book I should pick up seeing how I am a proverbial mess.
By the way…I was told by my mother in law that it was the southern thing to do Christmas cards, which is why I am doing them….even though I am not southern. However, in an effort to please her I am did them, and in an effort to be passive aggressive I am not including a family picture! I always thought Christmas cards are for when you pop out a kid or two and you want to brag about your summer vacation in the South of France.
I will say though, after making Christmas cards I am in such a great Holiday spirit, that I am now knitting scarves for everyone and buying ingredients for peppermint bark! So in the end she won since I really enjoyed the process. Instead of typing up a generic letter I will personalize each of them- some folks really care about are world travels and bike races and some dont. I will say, making the cards felt like the “right” thing to do rather than to fall into the cute store bought card trap, however I will noy judge- for that is what my mother in law does.
I just realized I rambled! Sorry!! But if you make cards…send me one!
I’m sure I’ll be doing everything contrary to what Ms. Maxwell serves up in her book–but then again, people keep showing up whenever I invite them. It must be the food…or the booze. If you feed them–they will come!!
@Angie Did you lay your hands on a copy yet? I can see you bundled up with your waddling kiddies following close behind. Fantastic image!
@Stacey I don’t think I saw that curled pinky as clearly as you, but wow, that gesture speaks to Maxwell’s mischievous bent. I can hear the sound of an enthusiastic donut dunking session in progress now. That’s Maxwell’s heaven.
@Jane I’ve desperately wanted to do the quarter-turn move on many an occasion but never summoned up the social prowess to get that done with ease. It’s a bit of an art when in comes to moving a conversation along.
I need to employ an assistant on this one. Wonder if we can make this a new profession and add a job or two to all the losses?
@Shar Maxwell has a whole chapter on appropriate serving size and party type foods to have on hand when an impromptu gathering develops. Her favorite recipes are in the back.
You’re right that food does sell;-)
@Chelsea You weren’t rambling, you were processing. Very different things. The way you came to the card giving spirit was tension laden it seems, but how amazing that you have found benefit in it for you and your husband.
And yeah, I too thought cards were the update post baby. I’m going to have to start making up news that rivals baby bump talk if our cards will get any attention! I know, I’ll write that we purchased an elephant from the humane society and it sleeps in our bed and eats at the dinner table with us. That’s news.
Now, am I rambling?;-)
Lydia I did! And it was only $2.95! I could not believe it. It’s on my nightstand now. Thanks, girl! And my little daughter could not leave, of course, without a couple books for herself.
oh, I totally agree… although I am probably in just a slightly older generation than you..But when I was 20, and at dinner parties: you know, those now forgotten kind where you were seated and served.. you were between two “gentlemen” and yes, you turned to one and talked for a certain amount of time, and then, of course, you turned to the other side! It was just “comme il faut”. Everyone expected that to happen (I’m referencing Jane’s comment above). Now, yes, people think you’re kind of nuts if you suddenly turn to begin speaking to your other side!
And, in general, I for one think manners are oh so important!
What a great post! I have that book, as well as others from that period on entertaining and decorating. Thanks so much for stopping by my site today, and for your very kind words. I will definitely be stopping by soon to visit your page again.
Nothing is more charming than an evening with plenty of interesting conversation and a host who fully engages him/herself in making the event a memorable one! Your dad truly has a gift… and I’d bet my over-the-knees on you being quite a good entertainer too;)
I must say that I really appreciate a good conversation, especially now that I live abroad. Something that’s typically hard to find in the US, becomes a near impossibility in a country where I don’t speak the language perfectly. Every once and while I’m able to interact with a true conversationalist and it’s a treat! =)
on another note: beautiful Gloucester! I lived there for so many years after college. Joyous, happy memories, specifically in the Lanesville area! So glad we’re going for a visit this holiday season!
I think that you could very well rock a pair of over-the-knee boots. As a fully stylish, in vogue New Yorker chick;) I’d try to find a pair that has “your feel to it”. It might take time, but hey life is about looking… I’m fascinated by comparing the different influences on looks and fashions as well as attitudes and behaviors between Paris, London and New York. I find that these cities have quite a lot in common, all in being their different, sometimes moody sometimes charming metropolitan selves.
Fabulous opening line – yours I mean, not Simon’s quote (though that’s good too). I’m sure you’ve inherited your father’s “hostess” spirit!